How To Survive an Abusive Relationship

How To Survive an Abusive Relationship

Remaining in a bad relationship is often a very complicated issue and it comes with a lot of baggage. There are many reasons why people choose to remain in destructive relationships, and often these reasons seem convoluted and confusing to an outsider. Although I may not understand all the reasons why one may want to remain in a bad relationship, this video is meant to encourage and help you understand the reasons why you should get out of a bad relationship. If you’re new to this channel thanks for stopping by.  I make motivational and educational videos like this this every week, so please consider subscribing so you won’t miss any of my videos.

Some of the reasons why people choose to remain in bad relationships include fear, financial security and lack of self-esteem and self-worth.

Let’s look at the first reason, fear. Fear is the greatest crippler of progress. You might be in an abusive relationship right now and you’re thinking about how difficult it would be to make an exit. Fear of what might happen to you if the other person finds out you’re planning on leaving them and what harm might be brought to you as a result. You may think, how do I find help and support to make that decision? And, what about the stigma of people knowing I’m in this situation. You may also be thinking about possible future consequences. But all these reasons are simply there to hold you back from progress. We often think about all the negative reasons why we shouldn’t do something. But seldom think about any positive outcomes. The fear of negative outcomes is usually magnified with little focus on the many benefits of facing and overcoming our fears.

In one of my past videos I talked about a woman who was killed along with all her children after remaining in an abusive relationship for many years. Her husband had held them in bondage for many years, even fathering a child with his own daughter. As many of the adult children had left and started families of their own, the husband thought that he would wait until one Christmas Eve, a time when he knew that the whole family would be coming over to celebrate Christmas together. He took that opportunity to kill the entire family; including his wife, all the children and their spouses, as well as all the grandchildren. Approximately 14 people were killed on that day. These lives may have been saved if the mother had gotten out of the relationship and severed ties with her monster husband. The main reason she chose to remain in the relationship was because of fear. She was afraid of stepping out on her own, afraid of the what ifs, afraid of the unknown. How would she survive on her own having depended on her husband for everything? The flip side of this should be what if she had sought help? What could the possibilities have been; the freedom, the happiness, the fulfillment. Will smith once said “the best things in life are on the other side of fear.” Fear cripples and stifles our progress, but there is so much beauty, freedom and amazing experiences locked up behind those tough metal doors of fear. You need to break an egg in order to make an omelet.

Now another top reason why people remain in abusive relationships is due to financial security. This is the same reason why many of us remain in jobs that we don’t like, even in cases where there is physical, sexual or verbal abuse. We choose to remain in these environments because that’s the only means of survival we see available to us at the time. Often times when you’re caught up in an overwhelming situation, it’s difficult to see much further beyond where you are at the time. I think of an analogy I once heard someone say. He says when you’re going through a tough situation its like a picture that is placed really close to your face. Its very difficult to see the full picture until you’ve moved away from the object. So when you’re overwhelmed by your circumstances its hard to see other alternatives or to properly understand the situation.

The bible says that the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof, and that God has given us dominion over the earth. It means that everything on the earth God owns and he has given us full control over it all. But you can’t take dominion over anything until you begin to change your focus and change your perspective. Its about having a different understanding and seeing that there are multiple opportunities out there waiting for you. But to do this, you need to let go of the old things in order to embrace the new. Let go of old relationships to get new relationships. Let go of old behavior to embrace new behaviors. Let go of old negative philosophies and thinking to embrace new philosophies and mindsets. Your financial security is not wrapped in the hands of an individual or company. It’s wrapped in your mindset and your ability to see, seek and embrace new things. And an understanding that there is always more ahead of you than what you’ve lost.

Now this brings me to a very sad reason why people remain in bad relationships – Lack of self-esteem and self-worth. Who you are is not about where you are in life or what you do. Who are is what you think and what you believe.  We all have beautiful positive things about us. But our lack of self-worth tells us to place more focus on what’s negative than what’s positive. Because so much focus and energy is placed on the negative attributes, this energy goes into building a strong and solid negative foundation which makes up our mental structure and becomes the person we are. This negative mental structure becomes so fortified that it is often difficult to tear down.

People with low self-image tend to think that because of their perceived myriad of negative attributes, it is impossible to find another person and be in a relationship with someone that will love them. They settle for whatever is presented to them, clinching to it, refusing to let go, regardless of how poisonous and destructive this relationship is to them. You’ve been beautifully made by God and have been given some great positive attributes. Focus on these positives, break down the old negative mental structure and begin to build a new solid positive mental structure. Make it unshakable and unbreakable. Try to look beyond your current circumstances. Take a break, time out and treat yourself if you have to. It will help you get outside your mental bubble and dream again.  Have a makeover if you need to. It will help build back confidence. Spend some time with positive thinking friends, they’ll help you affirm and reinstate positivity.

Finally, if you find yourself in a bad relationship where you’re not happy or you’re being abused, it’s time to put yourself fist. Stop thinking about what the other person might think or feel, and begin to think about the consequences of you remaining there for an extended period of time. Think about all that you’re losing now and what could have been gained had you left.

Whatever the reason you’re deciding to remain in a bad relationship; be it due to stigma or fear, let me encourage you to seek help and seek help fast. Try to focus on what you’re losing right now and what you’ll continue to lose in the future, instead of the fear of the unknown. The best things are sometimes on the other side of fear; your freedom, your opportunities, your financial security, your self-confidence, your achievement, your aspirations and goals. All these and more await you on the other side of the bridge of fear. Your destiny is in your own hands. Take a step and take a stand. The next step you take may save your life and the ones you love.